Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
