Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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