We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
