After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
