1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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