just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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