If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
