How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
