but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
