Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
