Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
