Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
