My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
