I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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