allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
