I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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