she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
