So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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