arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
