woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
