Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
