I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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