Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So squirting runs in the family.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
where are my eyebrows?
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