She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
