then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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