when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
