You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
