I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
