Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
