My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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