dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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