you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
