Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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