Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
