Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
