Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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