508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
