Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
