i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
