Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
