I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
