I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
