There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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