Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
