Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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