She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
