So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
