You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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