I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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