You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
