I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
