where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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