I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
