i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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